Relationship counseling

Most couples leave it until their relationship has already started to fall apart before they consider doing anything about the difficulties they have.

The beginning stages of a relationship is the best time to learn relationship skills, so that the period after that could be pleasant with fewer/minors problems or be able to control/manage the problems effectively.

Click here to read about relationships, its importance and warning signs in relationship break down.

Even healthy relationships need help from time to time
Even those among us who have been taught how to manage and sustain healthy positive relationships have difficulties from time to time. Relationships demand many things of us and as we grow these demands change and we need to be willing to change with them.

What people in relationship think and believe?

Some people in relationship believe that:

• we should automatically know how to have that 'perfect relationship'

• that it should be easy and if we can't work it out then something is wrong with us

• once we get married then everything should be all right and we don't have to worry about our relationship any longer.

Many myths and misconceptions exist about relationships. These are based on romantic ideals formed by what we read, hear or see portrayed in the media.

• "Maintaining romantic love is the key to a long and happy relationship": FALSE Studies show that there is a change in the type of love in a partnership from a romantic, passionate love early in relationships to complicated love later in a relationship called companionate love.

• "If my partner loves me, he/she should instinctively know what I want and need to be happy": FALSE This is called the "mind-reading myth" - expecting your partner to know instinctively what you want and need. In reality people must communicate their wants, needs and expectations to others in order to get those needs met.

There are many ways for us to go about improving our relationships.
Ask your partner to write down the five qualities/needs that are most important for them in a relationship. Have a look at the list and see which of the needs you can do something about, and which you need to negotiate with your partner.

Do the same yourself. Then talk about each other's relationship needs. It is essential for each partner to try to understand and respect the other person's needs. We don't all want the same things out of life. You and your partner could each make a list of what is most important in life. Talk to each other about what is on your list. Remember, we are different individuals and all want different things.

Relationship Difficulties

Being able to handle conflict and deal with differences is important in maintaining healthy relationships.

Everyone who is in a relationship or cares about the relationships may need assistance at some time to:

• help them deal with problems or difficulties in a relationship

• learn how to form or improve relationships

• cope with a relationship that has broken down

• help to change a relationship where there is violence and abuse.

• Our relationships actually become stronger if we talk about these differences.

We need to find out that differences are always going to be part of the relationship and that issues might have a solution if they are discussed more.

SSS Centre for Sexual Health offers a range of support that you might find useful.

Acknowledgement: Relationships Australia